....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
