I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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