My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
