are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
