I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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