Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
