either way he was missing a nipple.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
