i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My penis needs a shock collar
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
