Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
