I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
