gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
