Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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