How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
