You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize