Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The adults are the big ones right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
