Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why do cheetos always look like penises
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
