it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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