He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
