nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't turn off my feet"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
