Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
