I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
