In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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