I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just invented taco cereal.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
