he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
