God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
