At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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