I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
