She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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