woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
