It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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