then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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