My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
