Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
