Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
