I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
