Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
