This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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