the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
