And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
