The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
