You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
