And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
