have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
