I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
