brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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