I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
