I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
