someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
