Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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