I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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