Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
