I think I died a long time ago.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
