I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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