you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
