I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
