drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
