Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
