I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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