I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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