i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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