Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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