I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
