Whod you bang
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
