i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
