I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
