We won't sleep together?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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