did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
