you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
