Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
