Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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