i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
