I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
