Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
