Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
