my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The air taste purple.
Randomize
