Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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