im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
