good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
