plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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