Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
