things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
