I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
