This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
